Problems
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
♥ 7:36 PM
Lately I have been plagued with many problems. Some are minor while some are real serious. I am really stressed out by everything. I have suddenly had a huge burden on my back. It’s so heavy and so unbearable that I can hardly stand up strong or breathe under it. I have many questions everyday, why has it got to be me to bear such things. I have not been doing well for studies. The problems I faced are really taxing on my mind and body. I get so tired and exhausted everyday from school and I still have many troubles to worry about.
My family has got into trouble yet again. This time round, there is a problem of survival involved. I am suddenly entrusted with the heavy responsibility of managing for and caring for the family. To add on to that, I have 2 empresses at home who take it very hard to accept reality and are not far sighted enough. I have to rack my brains and try all ways and means to keep this family alive. At least till I go into the army. Sometimes I really wish for a listening ear, just to listen to me and give me moral support which is literally absent in the family. Everyday, I pray to god for strength to keep going and support the family. However I am feeling the strain on me now. I am very restricted now in whatever I do and have to try to hide many things from people around me. It’s real tough going around the day with a false mask. I am really tired.
Sometimes I have really wondered what life is all about. The events that happen around really make me feel like ending my life. I have thought of it, and even make plans, however in the end, I lacked the courage.
I think I have fallen for someone. To be honest, I did not really take notice of her when I first know her. To me she was just another girl. However during this year, I begin to notice her and sort of well attracted to her. I am not sure about expressing myself since I know of a friend who also had an interest in her. Furthermore, on top of my problems, it is even harder for me to go into a relationship. I think she senses it and seems to avoid me, I hope I am just being too sensitive. I hope we can remain as friends even if she does not like me.
